I just watched an hourlong TV show that if I remember right, was originally created for teen viewers. I used to watch it years ago. I only rediscovered it recently while Ben was on the river, I was bored, and the TV helped kill some time in between grading papers. All of the characters in the show are no longer in high school, but have moved on to other facets within the community and the school. ( you might have guessed the show by now… hint: it’s not on one of the 5 major networks) 

Tonight’s episode revolved around the death of one of the fictional teenage characters. The show is really well written and the cinematography is amazing. Ten minutes into the show I was balling. I always cry easily at movies and sad TV shows. I just assumed that’s why I was full on crying sitting here by myself on the couch. 

Then I realized it was something totally different. I realized I wasn’t crying for the fictional character on the show. I was crying for Nana and Dad, and all of the people I’ve loved who are dead. I was crying because any reference to death makes all of the grieving I’ve done boil right back up to the surface. 

So, now I’m going to put my headphones in my ears, listen to some Dylan, and try to heal all over again. 

There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music.

                                                                             ~ George Eliot