well I have made it to 17 weeks. I have had one medical scare so far resulting in an ER visit at 13 weeks but all was ok. I am still being very cautious due to the risks involved with my pregnancy. No lunch meats, soft cheese, caffeine or sushi. I want to make sure that if things do go wrong in this pregnancy I can trace it directly back to my physical body rather than a mistake I made.
I am scheduled to go back to see my perinatologist on August 19th for my 20 week scan. I will go there instead of my regular OB so that they can take more 3&4-D images of my uterus in addition to the baby. This will help inform them about my bicornuate uterus and help them to know if my risk is increasing or staying the same. Ben & I are also hoping to find out the gender of the baby at that appointment. We have two really great names put together, and are pretty excited to put a name to this little human being.
although we are very excited I have been struggling emotionally with the high risk of this pregnancy. I want to be buying all kinds of things, starting my registry, nesting and imagining our life as a family of three. Instead I am afraid to do most of these things for fear of losing this baby. Most people will jump to think/accuse me of worrying too much, but I am really just stuck in the reality of my risks & the statistics that go along with them. Miscarriage into second trimester & preterm labor are scary risks. Especially when mine are much higher for both of those complications compared to a “normal, healthy” pregnancy.
I am not religious so I do not pray. I have always been a pessimist so I can be overly realistic to my own detriment. I have awesome doctors who are very honest so I am informed in the odds of this whole endeavor. I would love to just “hope for the best” or pray or just believe, but instead I resort to just being prepared for the “worst” or the reality that could be my life.
I hope it doesn’t sound too emo, and no I’m not clinically depressed. I’m cautious and sometimes it comes off as not being excited about pregnancy.
So basically I tell people I’ll be excited when I have a living baby in my arms and Ben beaming at our new family of 3.
